E-book, 356 Pages
By: Sally Rooney
“I will probably continue to make poor life decisions and suffer recurrent depressive episodes”
I feel that this quote sums up my feeling when it comes to Rooney’s books. I learned the lesson the hard way and I am never reading any of her books again. In fact, I feel she keeps writing the same book with different character names and here is my guide to write your own Sally Rooney novel:
Do not use quotation marks!!
The Place and Time: Dublin and in the modern time, duh! Don’t worry because the descriptions are going to be so generic that you can easily change it to Paris, New York or even Brazil and it wouldn’t make a difference. But Since Rooney lives in Dublin, it sounds more authentic that way.
The Characters: Make them as pretentious and pompous as possible. The more insufferable they are, the better it will be. Sounds like readers are bored from normal characters so self loathing characters will be great. We need to spice things up so make the characters -specially females- smoke cigarettes and joints. Let the characters dive into philosophical discussions mostly based on Wikipedia and do not forget to include Marxism in the story.
“When they were twenty-four, Alice signed an American book deal for two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. She said no one in the publishing industry knew anything about money, and that if they were stupid enough to give it to her, she was avaricious enough to take it.”
For the sake of diversity, make most of the characters LGBTQ, do not panic because they will end up in straight relationships but include Bi and Pan characters when possible. Another tip is to let characters text each others through emails although there are all kinds of social media in the world!
The Plot: This is easier than it sounds as there is really no plot, just mix all the above mentioned chaos and let characters miscommunicate and just make everyone sleep with everyone -not an orgy though- and that’s it!
The Writing: Since there is no real plot but you should hit a certain word count, try to describe things as much as possible. Remember you can always add random things from Wikipedia. DO NOT USE QUOTATION MARKS!!!
Side Note: In this particular book, Alice was obviously a representation of Rooney herself and it was funny how she kept whining about being successful and having millions of dollars and how authors life is hard!
Summary: Pretentious, obnoxious, pompous, artificial!!!
NOOOOOOPE, definitely not a fan of the author’s writing! Farewell Rooney!